When Bobby Tommy and his girlfriend, Tammy, won the lottery they swore they were going to maintain exactly the same lifestyle they’d had before.  They’d get married. Bobby was going to keep his job out at the Gripper Urinal Factory turning raw kaolinite, mined just outside Fort Stockton, into the finest urinals made west of the Mississippi.  Tammy said she’d trim back her hours stripping over at The Scuttlebutt, “But that’s the only thing I’ll ever trim again!” she said as they signed the back of the winning ticket, got in the pickup truck, and headed for Austin.

But most everyone in town knew that misplaced sense of humility wouldn’t last, once the funds hit their bank account.  It didn’t take long.

It hadn’t been three weeks since they got back from Austin when folks saw a crew pull up to Bobby and Tammy’s trailer out in Modern Manor Mobile Home Park and start installing new skirting all the way around their doublewide.  A family of raccoons, or “trash bandits” as they’re called here in The Fort, ended up being trapped underneath and raising six kinds of hell later that night.  Finally, Earl from over at Earl’s Salvage Yard and Formalwear came over and cut a hole in the brand new tempered Masonite skirting with a Black and Decker reciprocating saw and an extension cord run all the way over from the laundry / playground area next to the office.  The ‘coons ran out of there like they’d seen satan, himself.

Then it was a new deck.  Staying humble, Bobby and Tammy Tommy went with Wolmanized Southern Yellow Pine, though they could have well afforded clear heart redwood.  “We’re still just common folks,” Tommy said, completely disregarding the EPA reports of the effects the Wolmanizing process is said have on human brain cells.

Then came the hot tub.  Trixie, over at the Klip-N-Dye, said it was inevitable.  The neighbors said it was indecent.  Earl, back over to patch the hole he’d made to free the raccoons, had to rig up a whole new PVC drainage system from the new hot tub, routing it through the laundry facility and over to the septic tank under the playground, so the thing could be drained after each use.  “Damn sure don’t want to crawl in that bunch of bubbles till it’s been drained and refilled,” Earl said.  He also verified that Tammy had been true to her word regarding not trimming anything but her hours.

Things seemed to settle down for a while.  The city eventually made them put privacy screening up around the hot tub, reducing the line of cars waiting to get into Modern Manors after football practice finished over at Jim Bowie High School.  Bobby and Tammy kept to themselves.  Of course, Bobby quit his job at the factory within six weeks.  We all knew he would.  Then Rusty saw a White Automotive truck delivering a big screen TV to the doublewide.  Then a big freezer chest to set it on.  Everyone could tell they were getting used to a life of luxury.

“Network TV damn sure isn’t what you buy a big screen TV for,” Bobby was heard telling Chad at the Piggly Wiggly.  The satellite dish that came next required an electrician, a welder, and a crew of workers going ahead of the flatbed delivery truck, just to be sure it would fit under the traffic lights and power lines as they delivered the thing all the way from Odessa.  Folks claimed the gigantic saucer got over three hundred channels, a third of them you couldn’t even discuss if you were anywhere near Second Baptist Church.

Of course, as most people soon discover after winning the lottery, money can’t buy happiness.  But it can buy companionship.  Bobby, disenchanted with the luxuries of new skirting, a hot tub, a big screen, and over three hundred channels, began to look to other sources for his fulfillment.  Like many, his first stop in that quest was the Lucky Lady Lounge. About a six pack and a half in, a gal at the other end of the bar caught his attention.  Maybe it was the birthmark on her forehead that was the exact likeness of the state of Tennessee.  Maybe it was the halter top she was almost wearing.  But sparks flew.

She hopped off her barstool and made her way over to Bobby.  “Generally, I don’t go for guys like you,” she said.  “But I saw you from across the bar and just had to come over and say hello.”

“You had me at General Lee!” Bobby howled.  And there began a fling that was doomed from the very first time they became one in the alley behind the Ben Franklin.  It was only a matter of time before apologies of regret had to be made to Tammy and prescriptions of penicillin had to be filled at the Rex Hall Drug.

For indiscretions as egregious and publicly displayed as Bobby Tommy’s had been, a simple ‘I’m sorry’ and bouquet of daisies from the Eggs & Ammo wouldn’t cut it.  Bobby was going to have to give Tammy a gift that would knock her Daisy Dukes right off.  Something so big forgiveness would surely follow.  Nothing short of a Cadillac would do.  And no regular Cadillac, at that.  Bobby Tommy was going BIG.

A 1981 Cadillac Fleetwood.  Modified, Pro-Street style.  Stretched almost as far as Tammy’s patience, tires on the back as fat as Tammy’s butt, and slick as a baby’s.  A pair of batteries, bigger than those Tammy kept in the night stand, tucked in the trunk of the Caddie to power all the extras.  The custom graphics were as unleashed as Bobby’s regret.  He had the interior completely wrapped in crushed velvet, a shade of red color-matched to a MAGA hat.  When he took delivery, he almost cried at the sheer beauty of it.

He couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel and over to Modern Manors as quick as he could.  He cranked the 454 V8 with a BDS 671 Supercharger and slammed the accelerator to the floorboard.  The front tires actually lifted off the ground, the rear ones belching more black smoke than the urinal factory Bobby worked at before winning the lottery.  He flew past Officer Phil out on Highway 10, Phil not even bothering to turn on the ignition of the Galaxie squad car, much less the red lights and siren.  Phil figured he’d write up a warning and give it to Bobby Tommy next time he saw him at the Dairy Twin.

Bobby’s excitement at the thought of presenting Tammy the new Fleetwood was exceeded only by the thought of being back in her arms.  

That’s when he rounded the corner, next to the playground / septic tank, and pulled up in front of the doublewide.  In the driveway, next to the hot tub, was Earl’s lifted RAM 4X4.  His personal lifted RAM 4X4, not the one he used for Salvage Yard and Formalwear business.  He noticed the drapes were drawn on all the windows not already covered with aluminum foil.  

The mobile home seemed to be rocking back and forth, just like Bobby’s emotions. Not even the CD of Kid Rock’s Greatest Hit could drown out his tears.