Back in the day, there were identical twin brothers here in Fort Stockton.  As happens, one became a success, while the other went through life a ne’er-do-well, never able to hold a steady job.  Rather than pursue a career and make a contribution, he laid around the house watching Oprah and contemplating his belly button.

One Saturday morning his dentist brother walked into the living room, saw him lying on the couch and almost exploded in a fit of frustrated anger.  “Get off your ass and go to the Piggly Wiggly and get us some lunch!” he yelled.

Shaken, his brother gets off the couch, gets in his El Camino and heads over towards the Piggly Wiggly, hoping they still have plenty to choose from at the deli counter.  Meanwhile, his brother takes the phone off the hook, lays down on the couch to watch the Texas vs Texas A&M game and promptly falls asleep.

Twenty minutes later, the lazy brother is a block away from the Piggly Wiggly when he glances out the window of the El Camino and sees Lucinda walking down the street on her way to work at The Grounds for Divorce.  Enraptured by the sight, he attempts to slam on the brake in order to take in the wholesome goodness that is Lucinda first thing in the morning.  But in his excitement, he slams on the accelerator instead, pile driving the front end of the El Camino right into Mrs. Mortleton’s Chevy sedan.  Mrs. Mortleton’s Malibu was able to withstand the blow, the only serious damage done was to the Depends she’d put on right before she left the house.  The brother, however, did not fare nearly as well.

Witnesses at the Ben Franklin immediately called an ambulance to the scene.  The 1970 Cadillac Fleetwood Miller-Meteor Ambulance was there within minutes, the driver – Bones Bagby – being just down the street at the Dairy Twin when the call came in.  When Bones pulled the long Caddy up to the scene, he knew it didn’t look good for the driver of the El Camino, who was not even recognizable.  Nonetheless, he and Mrs. Mortleton loaded him up on the stretcher and slid him into the back of the cavernous Miller-Meteor, Bones being sure to stay down wind from her, though he appreciated the help.  He radioed ahead to the Emergency Room at Fort Stockton Memorial Hospital and Animal Testing Center, advising them of the situation.  “It’s lookin’ like a DOA,” he said.  “Someone at the scene said he had a twin brother.  I’ll read you the info on his drivers license.  You might want to give him a call.”

Attempts to reach his dentist brother by phone went unanswered, his phone being off the hook, him asleep on the couch.   In the back of the high-roof luxury wagon, the lazy brother was slipping away fast.  Bones figured he wouldn’t even make it to the ambulance dock at the FSMH & ATC.

Meanwhile, back at the house there’s a loud knocking at the door.  Loud.  Persistent.  Knocking.  It won’t stop.  Finally, the dentist gets up and goes to the door.  He opens it and there on his front porch is The Grim Reaper.  Just like you see in the movies, he is dressed in a  black head to toe, a skeleton underneath, and the voice of James Earl Jones with a head cold.  

As the door opens, The Grim Reaper peers inside and sees the dentist standing there, a startled and confused look on his face.  “Oh crap,” he says.  “This happens with twins sometimes.  Sorry to bother you.”  And with that, he turns and starts walking to the black Pontiac Aztek parked in the driveway.

“Wait!” the dentist yells.  “What are you talking about?  What happened?”

The Grim Reaper stops just beside the Aztec.  He turns to the dentist.  “I’m sorry to tell you this.  Your brother was in a horrible automobile accident.  I’ve come to escort him to the underworld.”  He fumbled for the keys to the Pontiac in his wind-blown, tattered robes.

“Hold on!”  the dentist yells.  “There’s gotta be something I can do to save my brother.  A challenge of some kind?  After all, it’s your fault you came to the wrong place.”

The Grim Reaper chortles to himself.  “There is no challenge I could not beat you in, but what do you suggest?”

“I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth.  We will each get five minutes to prepare.  Whomever has the cleanest teeth at the end of that will win the challenge.  If I win, you leave my brother here on earth,” the dentist says confidently.

“You are a foolish human,” the Reaper replies.  “You stand no chance.  Yet, I will humor you before I claim your brother.”

They go into the bathroom of the dentist’s house.  The Reaper loads up a toothbrush with a long twist of Crest, pulls back the hood of his tattered robes and goes to town on his choppers.  At the end of five minutes, he tosses the toothbrush down into the sink below and turns around and gives the dentist a smile.  They were the shiniest teeth the dentist has ever seen.  They glisten.  They light up the room.  The Grim Reaper hands him the tube of toothpaste.  “You have no chance, but you deserve your turn,” he said.

The dentist goes to work his teeth like a mad man.  He’s foaming at the mouth.  His arm is a blur.  At the end of his five minutes, he throws his toothbrush into the sink.  He rinses and swishes, finally spitting out his brother’s last chance.  He turns towards The Grim Reaper and smiles.

In the shine from the dentist’s teeth, The Grim Reaper sees his own reflection.  The dentist’s teeth are perfectly pearly white.  It is obvious The Reaper will not collect the dentist’s twin brother.  He hangs his head, admitting defeat, walks out to the driveway, and crawls dejectedly into the Pontiac.  The Aztek suddenly disappears, something they were never able to do on dealer lots.

Meanwhile, over on Austin Street, something happens that no one could ever explain.  Sirens blazing and all 472 cubic inches screaming under the massive hood of the Miller-Meteor, the lazy brother suddenly sits straight up on the stretcher in the back of Cadillac, not a mark on him.  Curious as to why he’s in the back of the grey and white Miller-Meteor, he glides open the sliding window, crawls over into the red vinyl front seat, causing Bones to wish he’d been wearing a Depends, himself.  In shock, Bones drops him off in front of the Eggs & Ammo and then makes his way to the hospital where there was a ton of paperwork to be filled out.

Later that night, the dentist is at the Lucky Lady when his brother comes in, Lucinda on his arm.  The brothers embrace in an emotional, heartfelt hug, nearly bringing a tear to Lucinda’s eye, and Lucinda’s usually not one given to emotion.  “You’ll never believe what happened today, Bro,” the lazy brother says.  “I was in a horrible car wreck on the way to the Piggly Wiggly.  They said I almost died!”

The dentist crawls back on his barstool and orders a round for everyone.  He puts his arm around his brother and pulls him in close.  “I too had a brush with Death.”