“You wanna know just where America went wrong?”  Ennis asked.  Denton started nodding in agreement before the question could even be answered.

Nobody wanted to know the answer, of course.  But they darn sure didn’t want to suffer the wrath of stating as much.

“I’ll tell you exactly just where America went wrong,” he went on.  “They stopped making cars like this nineteen-fifty-seven-and-seven Imperial.  That’s when the damn country left the tracks, and I’ll be damned if it’s found its way back since.”

Everyone was hoping Lucinda would make her way back to the table with some fresh Folgers and something else to talk about.  Apparently she was back in the kitchen with Delgado entranced in a whole different topic of conversation and unable to rescue us from ourselves.  That would be duly noted with today’s tip, I’ll tell you that right now.

“Just look at the arse end of that thing!” Ennis said.  I turned around to see if Lucinda had come out of the kitchen.  “That’s what the back of an automobile should look like.  Plenty of damn chrome.  Fins soaring higher than everything but the flag.  And a spare tire cover on the deck lid fancier than one a them damn Rolex watches.”  Denton nodded again.  He might have mumbled something, but it was so garbled nobody really picked up on it.

Ennis and Denton aren’t really regulars at the Grounds for Divorce.  They’re more a part of the crowd of really old guys that meet at the Dairy Twin every morning.  Each old guy around the table gets one small cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup, pours six packets of Pure Cane Sugar in it, and nurses it till the high school kids from Our Lady of Immeasurable Concern come in for lunch.  They leave then, as the current generation of youth frustrates them all to the point that even their medications can’t help what happens to their heart rates.  But occasionally a couple of them will stop by the GFD just to share their particular brand of sunshine.

“Damn country reached its peak when Ike was in the Oval Office and Stergal Texner was in charge of designing what America drove,” Ennis informed us.

Rusty Hammer whispered into my ear, “I always thought his name was Virgil Exner.”

“Just roll with it,” I replied.  “It’s easier.”

“The minute they took push buttons for the transmission off the dash was the minute ‘Murica started down the slippery damn slope that led to where we are right now!” Ennis said.  His voice was a little louder now.  Some of the other folks in the cafe were starting to look around and see what the commotion was.  “ I can still recall back in 1962 when they shaved the fins off the Imperial, and starting’ to have a bad feeling ‘bout where we were headin’.  Still remember turning on FOX News and Megan Kelly telling’ us we better be ready, cause the damned end was near, soon as it happened.”

Rusty googled Megan Kelly and discovered she was born in 1970, FOX didn’t start until 1996 and started to say something.  I just nodded and told him to hold his tongue.  “You need a refill, Ennis?” I asked.  “Lucinda should be around any minute now,” I asked.

“A man doesn’t need any more than one cup a morning, preferably in a Styrofoam cup.  These mugs are too damn fancy, and you can’t toss them in the trash when you’re finished,” Ennis replied.

“Some people do,” Rusty replied, showing a complete lack of respect for the Captain My Captain mugs used at the Grounds for Divorce, and trying to get a rise out of me.

“Don’t let your frustration with Ennis spill over into disrespecting the mugs,” I warned Rusty.  “I’ll go over to your hardware store and put all the nuts and bolts in the wrong bins again.”

“Goodgawdalmighty!” Rusty yelled.  “Last time you pulled that stunt I was giving refunds for a week.”  I just smiled.

“A Hemi V8 is what made this country the greatest power on earth!” Ennis said.

“Robert J. Oppenheimer might have something to say about that,” Rusty said under his breath.

“That’s also why it’s 117 degrees outside in the summer now,” Chad said.  “The polar ice caps disappeared with those fins.”  Chad is still young.  Hasn’t learned yet when to hold his water.

Ennis looked his way and you could see the carotid artery in his neck start to throb and beads of sweat start to break out on his forehead.  Might have just been the fact that he wears thick khaki pants and a long sleeved khaki shirt regardless of the extreme temperatures outside, but it seemed different.

“Let me tell you something’, you little snot nosed, tree huggin’ sumbitch,” Ennis said while Denton nodded in the chair beside him.  “Them polar ice caps wouldn’t a gone anywhere if we’d a protected our borders!”  While everyone at the table other than Denton tried to connect those dots, I saw Delgado poke his head around the corner from the kitchen.

With a distinct tone of feigned indignation, Chad decided to play along.  “And that never would have happened if we’d a had the right to concealed carry without a permit, just like the founding fathers intended when they sat down and typed up the Declaration of Recompense!”

Ennis looked a bit surprised.  He turned to Denton who looked similarly amazed.  “Dam right,” Ennis said.  “‘Bout time you started comin’ around.”

“That is one mighty fine looking ‘57 Imperial you boys are looking at there,” Lucinda said.  “Sure don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”  She’d shown up out of nowhere with a tray.  She set the tray down on the table and filled everyone’s CMC mug that had one.  Started to top off the Styrofoam cups for Ennis and Denton, but they waved her off.  Just asked for some more sugar.  Then she slid a huge wedge of pecan pie fresh out of the oven in front of each of them, the steam rising off each piece.  She put a fork on each plate.  “You boys so rarely come in.  Wanted to give you a treat.”

Ennis took his fork and got a big scoop of pie while Denton watched to be sure that was the thing to do, not having the courage to do anything Ennis didn’t do first.  Ennis slid the fork of warm, gooey pie into his mouth and slowly chewed.  Denton did the same.  The sticky filling stuck to their dentures, pulling them slightly out of place.  The shelled pecans got embedded in the cavities between their false teeth and gums.  Neither could say a word, but they couldn’t stop chewing.

While the whole table watched, they finished every last bite, their lips stuck together at the end.  Satisfied, they each stood up, tipped their hats to the assembled group, grabbed their Styrofoam cups and made their way to the front door.  We watched as they made their way in silence all the way to Denton’s Toyota Camry and headed down Austin Street.

“We’ll,” Chad said, “That’s one way to shut him up.”

Lucinda nodded and winked at the table.  “There’s a greater than zero chance Delgado may have dropped a deuce in the pecan filling,” she said.  “Said something about it being time for the same thing to go into his mouth as what comes out of it.”

“Darn fine Imperial, nonetheless,” Pastor Peterson said.  We all had to agree.