Back when he still had keys to the Oval Office, the Big Guy used to make the trip from Johnson City to Fort Stockton because the Piggly Wiggly here in town was the only place that could be counted on to always be stocked with Dr. Pepper and Boerne hot sauce, the key ingredient in the BBQ he had at the ranch for foreign dignitaries. The trunk of the Lincoln used to be filled with drums of the sauce big enough to put on the meat with a 20 ounce cotton wet mop back at the ranch, and cases of Dr. Pepper that the agent driving the Lincoln could barely see over the top of when attempting to make a right hand turn.

Wasn’t long before the trips to Fort Stockton became an every-two-week kind of thing. Because of the tension still existing with Presidential Lincolns rolling through Texas towns, agents from the follow up car would get out and surround the Lincoln as soon as it hit the city limits, jogging in beside it. They’d worked up a pretty significant lather by the time the Lehmann-Peterson parked in front of the Piggly Wiggly.

Enough so that Agent Todd and a couple of his Secret Service buddies would duck into the Grounds for Divorce for a cold sweet tea while the rest of the detail was frisking down Chad at the check out and Prudence from Produce before the Top Dog could walk in and start gathering up soda and sauce. On about the third or fourth jounts into town, it was one of those side trips to the GFD that things took an unexpected turn. Seems the First Lady had stayed home for that trip and the Big Kahuna decided to duck into the Lucky Lady Lounge for a couple Lone Star 1835 Bourbons after going through the express line at the Piggly Wiggly.

Agent Todd saw that as an opportunity to take Lucinda out to Lehmann and give her a little private tour of the Lincoln. When she peeked into the front cabin and saw that black leather, her knees went all kinds of wobbly and made her swoon just a bit. Agent Todd took her to the rear compartment and had her sit in the seat of power to collect her thoughts and calm down.

Let’s just say the gray wool broadcloth helped Lucinda collect her thoughts, but did nothing to calm her down. Within a few minutes Agent Todd was whispering into his jacket cuff there was a CODE 20 in the limo. Before you could say “LBJ All the Way” there was an affair of state taking place right there in the parking lot. Suffice it to say the flags on the fenders weren’t the only thing fluttering.

While his Ray-Bans remained on, Agent Todd’s black Brooks Brothers suit was in a crumpled heap on the floor. After Lucinda shouted something that sounded similar to God Bless America, she pushed in what she thought was the lighter, hoping to cap off the event with a quick cigarette. Within seconds, a whole squadron of B-47BN Stratojets were taking off from Strategic Air Command in Nebraska heading to Fort Stockton.

The red and blue lights lit up across the whole front of the Executive Limo and sirens went off that were loud enough to cause the entire student body of Alamo Elementary School to stream out of the building and onto the playground, thinking it was a fire drill.

Agent Todd was reassigned to the protection detail of the Ambassador to Peru. In Lima. Lucinda still gets choked up at the Star Spangled Banner being played before Jim Bowie High School football games.