A few years back Brother Bob over at the Second Baptist Church got wind that the Unitarians were about to make a play for a permanent home in the vacant Blockbuster store and move out of the back room of the K-Bob’s Buffet they’d been renting on Sunday mornings. As a result, his sermons shifted from a focus on the deadly sin of alcohol to lessons from The Song of Solomon, a change most appreciated by the youth group, if not the Board of Deacons.

His other move was pushing for small groups to be formed where members could build community, fellowship, and conduct Bible studies in the homes of chosen church members. This created the opportunity for some unexpected situations, the most unique being that of the Henderson’s group. Hanson and Haddie welcomed everyone in for that first dinner with high expectations for the evening.

In no time, Hanson was explaining that he was a firm believer in putting his retirement fund dollars in what he called ‘hard asset investments’ rather than blue chip stocks, municipal bonds, or other ‘traditional’ options. As the women gathered in the kitchen to clean up after dinner, Hanson took the gentleman out to his three-car garage to show off his portfolio.

One entire bay of the structure had been converted to a wine cellar. Kept at a constant 49 degrees and lined with beautiful western red cedar on all the walls, Hanson went on to explain that he had collected over 5,000 bottles of rare, investment-grade wine from around the world. Those on the top shelves were valued in the thousands of dollars each; those towards the bottom were in the $100-$500 range.

The new small group of friends was somewhat put off by this level of decadence, but then someone mentioned the first miracle performed was turning water into wine, so it kind of smoothed things over. As the group exited the wine room, they encountered the other investment. Parked on the far side of the garage, on the other side of Haddie’s Taurus was something tucked under a tight fitting flannel cover.

Peeling it back, Hanson revealed a 1994 BMW 850CSi 6-speed. Silver over black. Meticulous. Jim went so far as to call the thing ‘sexy’, which the others just chalked up to the Solomon sermons. Popping the hood, Hanson stood back and watched as they all surrounded the engine bay like it was two six packs of Bud Light rather than twelve cylinders of horsepower and torque.

They could tell that the 850CSi was Hanson’s pride and joy. He said the wine and the BMW were worth more than most 401Ks and he could go out and enjoy each whenever he liked, although the car rarely ever left the garage.

The group ended up becoming fast friends, enjoying dinners at the Henderson’s and occasionally even cracking open the Good Book along with a bottle of wine or two from the lower shelves of the collection.

That is, until a couple years later when Haddie found out Hanson was buttering Bonnie’s biscuit after hours over at the K-Bob’s. Hanson found himself checked into the Naughty Pine Motel faster than a Snickers Bar disappears at a Weight Watchers meeting. The small group gathering at Haddie’s house that week was one for the books. A seven course meal, each course with several bottles of wine off the top-shelf of the wine room.  They figured later that nearly $40,000 worth of Hanson’s wine had been consumed.

By dessert, someone slurred the expression, “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible tells us to love our enemy.” That’s when Haddie led the group out to the garage, pulled back the cover on the coupe and tossed the keys to the assembled group of men. What followed was near religious experience.