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He was a man who had proven himself to other men in wet, dirty, earthy smelling foxholes of Asian countries he wasn’t allowed to share the names of with civilians. He’d proven himself to women in wet, dirty, earthy smelling sheets of motel rooms he couldn’t even remember, much less care to share. 

Thad Gunter was gifted with an athletic build, honed to perfection through tireless workouts in dank gyms and an exercise routine most men would consider far too punishing. 

The latest Dean Sinatromo LP album was spinning on the AM / FM / LP Album Signal Seeking Interstate Intercom Stereo as Gunter swung the coupe around the bend and Fort Stockton came into view miles ahead.  Sinatromo was crooning something about leaving his heart in San Diego. Gunter’s heart didn’t skip, but the needle did. He took that as a sign. The time spent in the Southwest Texas town on the horizon wasn’t going to be a cakewalk.  Not even a vacation.

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The sunshine glaring off the Stray-Ban tinted windshield as he pulled off the highway and into the Naughty Pine Motel parking lot would have blinded a lesser man.  Thad Gunter didn’t even squint.  He checked in and took a room for three nights. Paid cash. Ned behind the desk didn’t ask him for an ID, knowing what the answer would be. Men like Thad Gunter didn’t provide IDs. Asking for one would be embarrassing, if not dangerous. 

Storms come into Fort Stockton unexpectedly. Sometimes they take the form of dark gray, almost black clouds swollen with thunder and moisture. Sometimes they take the form of a stranger driving a Pontimercrosoto DeLuxe Hardtop Coupe. Only once have both occurred at the same time. That afternoon the clouds over town opened up like a killer looking for a plea deal. 

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Once in the room Gunter stripped down naked and stood in front of the mirror, flexing muscles, and taking inventory of everything he had to be thankful for. The list was long. And thick. He showered and shaved again, the five o’clock shadow having turned into a light beard since his shave earlier that morning. The Turquoise Velvet Aftershave from his ostrich skin dopp kit splashed liberally on his face like the rain splashing off the hood of his new automobile, just outside the door to Room #7.  Dressed, with his raincoat on, a clap of thunder sounded like it was directly overhead as he opened the door to the Pontimercrosoto. Gunter didn’t even flinch. The clap was on a long list of things others feared, but that Thad Gunter took in stride as part of the job. 

The rain was still falling in buckets when Gunter pulled the Pontimercrosoto next to the Grounds for Divorce and parked it in the alley beside the cafe.  Chief Martin, making his rounds slowly through the business district of town, noticed the stranger but just tipped his cap.  Some trouble you leave alone as long as you can.  As Gunter stood at the big plate glass window at the front of the cafe, rain running down the smooth surface, he waited for Lucinda to look up and see him standing there.  It didn’t take long.  She tried to hide her surprise, but couldn’t.  Gunter nodded in the direction of the alley.

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It took Lucinda less than five minutes to clear out the last remaining customers from their booths. She put the money from the cash register in an envelope and placed it in the back of the freezer.  She liked her cash cold and hard, the same way she liked her men.  By the time she flicked off the lights and locked the front door behind her, the rain had completely stopped.  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, just an inky blackness that had settled over Fort Stockton like a damp blanket.  

In the car, just down the alley, Thad had removed his raincoat and was waiting for her in the Pontimercrosoto.  As she reached for the handle of the passenger door, Gunter pushed in the lighter.  As he did, the rear deckled of the Pontimercrosoto opened slowly in a backwards motion and the steel hardtop slid down into the cavernous trunk.  As the deckled screwed back down the lighter popped out and Gunter lit his Lucky Strike without ever even glancing over at his female companion.  “I had no idea you were coming,” she said in a breathy whisper.

“You always know when I’m coming,” he said as he slid the Ruger-gripped gear selector into ‘D’ and the 507 cubic inch power plant thrust the car down the alley like a scalded dog.  They were back at the Naughty Pine within minutes.  Gunter pushed the cigarette lighter back in and the truck opened.  The top slowly slid back into place.  “The storm is over,” Lucinda said.  “No need in putting the top back up.”

“The storm is only beginning, Baby “ he said.  The top on the Pontimercrosoto locked in place the same way Lucinda’s eyes did as Thad unlocked Room #7 and held the door open for her to go in first.

“I’ll get undressed,” she said.

“Not yet.”  Thad was insistent.  He poured them each two fingers of Johnny Sprinter Raven Label into the Waterchev crystal glasses he carried with him whenever he traveled.  He set hers on the table next to where she stood in anticipation.  He took his place in the cheap motel room chair in front of her.  Reaching into the pocket of his dinner jacket, he pulled out the Luckies again and slowly lit one.  “Now,” he said.  “Slowly.  One button at a time.”

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In the blackness outside the window into Room #7, the darkness was pierced by the high beams of a car.  It was a squad car, Chief Martin’s new Monteirey sedan.  Thad and Lucinda both glanced out into the parking lot as the car passed slowly by.  

“Typical.”  Gunter pronounced.  “Fort Stockton can’t afford to build a decent animal shelter, but they spring for the top of the line Monteirey for the Chief of Police.  Even sprang for the fender skirts.”

“Don’t kid yourself, Thad,” Lucinda said plaintively.  “That car is an animal shelter.”  She started to pull the drapes shut.

“Stop!” Gunter commanded.  “Leave them open.  See if he’s brave enough to stick around and see how a real man performs.”  Lucinda opened the drapes as far as she could and turned back around to face Thad again.”

Gunter inhaled the smoke as deeply as he could.  Twisting his lips as he exhaled, the rings of smoke formed the silhouette of a naked woman as they drifted up to the ceiling and disappeared.

Even more aroused by the talents she witnessed with his lips, Lucinda slowly unbuttoned the final two buttons of her dress and tugged gently, causing the entire frock to fall to the floor in a shimmering pile of satin.  Everything was just as Gunter had recalled.  As he reached up, the black and white two door Monteirey sedan spun rubber in the parking lot before screeching out towards the highway.

“Just as I thought.”  Thad snickered.  Lucinda finished her drink.  Thad snubbed out what was left of the Lucky and reached into his pocket for the roll of quarters he’d brought with him for the Magic Fingers bed.

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