The people that showed up in one of these back in the day used to just steam my clams. I mean there was nothing wrong with the base model Chevette Scooter. But no, these people had to go FULL Chevette. Show-offs. Why not just pull up in a Porsche 911?
Is a back seat and a door on the glove box REALLY that important? If you’re driving a Chevette, ain’t nothing happening in that back seat, anyway. Why pay extra for it? And the owner’s manual for one of these was written on the back of a 5 X 7 index card; is it going to hurt if it flies out?
The way this one is showing off those fancy arm rests and embossed door panels? Disgusting. Roll down the damn windows and rest your arms on the tops of the doors the way God intended. You don’t need no fancy arm rests. Does that metal get a little hot in the summertime? Damn sure does. And that’s exactly what toughens you up and gets you ready for life in the real world.
That 60 horsepower 1.6 liter inline four? The 52 horse version in the Scooter just wasn’t good enough for you, was it? It’s just that type of showing off that let the Japanese get their foot in the door and take over the damn automotive industry.
And I’m sorry, but an automatic transmission? Who the hell did these people think they were? May as well have purchased a Cadillac. And body side moldings? Are you kidding me? If “nothing succeeds like excess”, then Chevrolet must not have been able to build these fast enough. Gaudiness like that is shameful. Right along with those white wall tires and full wheel covers. Jeez. Bumper rub strips? Guarantee you the original owner of this carried a condom in his wallet for six years and never had reason to even think about tearing that package open.
Nope. The only thing better than a Chevette Scooter that was mechanically out of date the day it was introduced in 1976 is a 1987 Chevette Scooter twelve years even further out of date. Those babies were both a decade behind the times and a decade ahead, what with their painted bumpers and lack of any chrome exterior trim. Name me another car that can lead the pack from behind.
I’ll admit, this little Light Blue unit is nice. Just way too opulent for my taste. I’m holding out for a low-mileage base model Scooter and the complete lack of any self-respect that goes with it. Maybe a Scooter Diesel if there is still one out there somewhere. For all the others? May they Rust in Peace.
13 responses to “CHEVETTE OPULENCE”
Chevette… The Only Thing Good about a Chevette was when I needed a new battery for my Boss Hoss Scooter. A Lawnmower battery wouldn’t start the Chevy 350 and the kid at the Parts Store didn’t know anything about a scooter with a ZZ-4 small block between the legs.
One of the guys I knew said ‘Get one from a Chevette’ FIT Perfect!
Funny thing is the next time I needed a battery, Nobody Knew What a Chevette Was!!
I’m trying to picture this obfuscated masterpiece of Chevette
(walking the pasture, don’t step in the Chevette),
enhanced with a set of Dual Lake Pipes, the little fringes hanging around the perimeter of the headliner with tiny balls swinging, and can’t decide between Fuzzy Dice or a Little Tree Air Freshener – hanging from the rear view mirror — Oh, does it have a Day/Night mirror?
Honestly, $1,792.15 additional accessories on a $3,225.30 pile of Chevette ?
I may just be trying to be politically correct –
but then I refer back to President Harry S. Truman in his telegram response to a request from General Douglas MacArthur and Admiral Chester Nimitz. A unnamed source sent me copies of four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement. The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!
1) Tokyo,Japan 0800-September 1,1945 To: President Harry S Truman From: General D A MacArthur Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!
(2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945 To: D A MacArthur From: H S Truman Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945 To: H S Truman From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?
(4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945 To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz From: H S Truman Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by clean end!
Captain, perhaps you might consider a stronger brew of Folgers, and maybe even add a bit of chicory?
But if you start singing “Over the Rainbow” we’ll all worry.
The only thing I’m singin’ is “Matadors & Misdemeanors” and, not gonna lie, it’s growin’ on me.
Cap’n – I know this would be a completely different story if that little baby had fender skirts.
Damn straight. And if it had fins I’d want two of ‘em. Some things transcend all reason.
Puttin down my dream car
Is a gussied-up Chevette not the perfect metaphor of trying to spit-shine a turd?
This does remind me though of the time 50 or so years ago when my grandfather bought a work truck with AC and for that sybaritic over-the-top indulgence alone was almost excommunicated from his group of peers at the Colonial Cafe in Luling, TX.
Oops, Blanquita1 is another nom de guerre that was typed in by accident—not enough Folgers grounds were put in the Bunn O Matic this morning
Yours truly,
Angushopper
Jeez. I never figured Angushopper to be the one with an identity crises. But here we are.
And Lucinda says, “Don’t try to blame it on the Folgers, Cowboy. You know damn well it was the mushrooms.”
The ‘marketing department’ at Zastava was delighted. ‘Surely we can sell those dumbazzes our Yugo’!’ And they did. Of course, who would now admit to buying one?
Holy guacamole! Il Capitano! My dad had this exact car. With the standard “except”. The excepts being that dad’s had a 4 speed and like the Scooter, his also didn’t have AC. I wasn’t spending that much time with my dad at that point in his life, so I’m unsure if he brought that POS new or used. He was livin’ the life there in south TX without AC. But then he only lived about 7.5 minutes from his job. Few people sweat out on such a short trip down there. It was with this car that dad developed his “grand maintenance theory”. That being, that if you ignore car problems long enough, they go away!
I remember driving it on one of my visits to the folks. I wanted the experience so I could get back in my ’79 Ford Fairmont and believe I had a luxo-boat. In a way I can’t blame him for his “deferred maintenance” program. Most of the people there graduated directly into auto maintenance from picking row crops. I mean, with no training course in between. When I drove it the shifter almost fell off in my hand. Imagine a circle 1 1/2 foot in diameter, it was in that area of space that the shifter moved to get to all the gears were somewhere within that circle. And AH! the radio. It was almost possible to hear it above the wind noise from the windows being down and the buzz of that engine attempting to generate enough power to make it practical to use the car instead of just walking. Then again, my dad once won an award for being a masochist.
Benard Marx
Cap’n, don’t hold your breath, you just might turn blue, and then gray . . .
Gosh. If only I had been a better shopper I could have had this beauty for $1500 less than my ‘76 Alfa Spider – with a back seat and A/C to boot. Oh, the regret!