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The morning light shone through the windows of Thad Gunter’s master suite window with an intensity matched only by the desires of the naked woman lying next to him.  

He thought he’d pushed the button beside the bed that closed the blinds before drifting off to sleep when it was still dark.  And he may have.  It was not uncommon for his female guests to open them after Gunter had coupled with them and drifted off to sleep till it was time for another round.  His guests enjoyed looking out at the night sky, searching for falling stars, and trying to capture the fresh memories of the evening just so they could repeat the experience in detail to friends.  Not that they’d be believed.  Unless someone had experienced Thad Gunter first hand, women could not imagine his capabilities.  Those who were fortunate enough to have had the experience only wanted another one.

Or, it may have been that he was sleeping soundly and his most recent paramour just got up and wandered over to the master suite facilities to freshen up so she would be ready for the anticipated end of Thad Gunter’s refractory period.  While she was tidying up, perhaps Sung-Li came in and opened the blinds so the first thing Gunter saw when he opened his eyes was the sun cresting the horizon.  Sung-Li, Gunter’s Bhutan housekeeper, was all about the ancient arts and the powerful influence of nature.  It was only via her influence that the bed was even facing the windows, a design element she’d insisted on when Gunter was designing the home.  As with most things she did for him, Gunter was grateful to Sung-Li for her input.  Sung-Li was always grateful to Gunter for his, as well.

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As his eyes adjusted to the brightness of the sunlight, Gunter saw neither his newest lady-friend from the evening before, nor Sung-Li.  He could faintly hear the shower running down the hall.  His hunch that she was freshening up was correct.  He could only further assume that Sung-Li was in the garage waxing his new Eldoradanental coupe.  Upon returning from Fort Stockton from his last assignment, he’d given his new Pontimercrosoto Coupe to his secretary, Madge Majora, a gift for her incredible service and attention to detail.  The ways she showed her gratitude made Gunter wish he had two of them to give her.

Needing to replace his car quickly, he didn’t have time to order something and wait.  He made arrangements for Madge to take him down to the Imperiallac showroom so he could see what inventory they might have on hand.  The Automotive Consultant, seeing that Thad Gunter was a man of refined taste and unlimited means, took him immediately back to the VIP showroom where the Eldoradanental was on display, circling slowly on the rotating circular platform.  “Have a seat while I explain the features and benefits of this extraordinary motorcar.”

Thad Gunter was not a man given to marketing gimmicks or excessive salesmanship.  Yet he was intrigued.  The Eldoradanental was the most technically advanced and expensive automobile available and he’d never actually seen one on the road.  Watching it slowly rotate in front of him for his enjoyment reminded him of Sung-Li.

“There will only be a limited number of these produced, ensuring they remain exclusive and available only to a limited few.”  So far the Automotive Consultant hadn’t revealed any information Gunter didn’t already know, but he was just beginning.

“This particular model is finished in the optional ‘Pearl Iridescent Lava Dust Poly-Enamel Midnight Orchid’ shade.  It never needs waxing,” he went on.  Of course Gunter was attracted to the color, but the fact that it never needed waxing was irrelevant.  Having Sung-Li wax whatever was in his garage was the second favorite thing he enjoyed having her wax.  The car would continue to be Simonized weekly, regardless of what the manufacturer recommended.

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“Note the ‘Solar Carbon Fibre Light Sensitive Astro-Vista Roof’.”  This feature seemed to excite the consultant more than the exotic color had.  “A brand new patented innovation, exclusive to Imperiallac, this is perhaps the most outstanding of all the innovations on this motorcar.  The roof panel is more durable than steel, but completely transparent.  It lets in only the amount of light you desire by adjusting the Sun-O-Matic dial to the left of the steering pod.  As the dial is turned clockwise, more sunlight is let in and the Flowthru Igloo & Equator Climate Control System is adjusted to allow for more chilled air to come in through the 138 vents scattered discreetly throughout the cabin.  Regardless of conditions outside, the cabin of the Eldoradanental never varies from the temperature you’ve pre-selected.”  The Consultant felt like he was setting the hook.  “I’m guessing you probably prefer 69 degrees.  You look like a ‘69 Man’.”

Gunter thought about Madge, his Assistant, and smiled.  The Consultant noted a slight nod.  “It can be hotter than Satan’s taint outside, and still cooler than a Colorado cucumber in the cabin of this car,” he emphasized, just to punctuate the point.

Gunter had already made up his mind that he’d purchase the low slung coupe, but wanted to give the Consultant the benefit of rolling through the entire pitch.  For what he knew the Eldoradanental would cost, he wanted the full presentation.

“The tires WWRF and BFD.” The Constant said.  Gunter had a quizzical look.  “WWRF is Wide White, Run Flat.”

“I know what BFD is,” Gunter replied.

“The rear stabilizer flanks are speed sensitive, adjusting as needed to level at the ride at whatever speed you are driving, then returning to the position you see here for optimum style considerations when parked.”  The Consultant was good.  Gunter had noted that feature previously, but wasn’t sure exactly how it worked.  “They flatten to an almost horizontal position at highway speeds for maximum stability, then nearly upright when parking.”

“This motor car was made for eating up the highway like a southern girl eats up cherry cobbler.  The interior is trimmed in organically dyed, color matched beaver pelt,” the Consultant said.  Gunter again thought of Sung-Li and his assistant, weighing the benefits of beaver pelt, versus no beaver pelt.  “The driver’s seat fully reclines.”  That made the beaver pelt the better option.

“For long trips, engineers have developed the Eldoradanental exclusive ‘Cath-O-Matic’ feature that cuts the number of stops required down to nearly none.”  Pointing to a thin shaped object on the dash, just below the sound system, the Consultant pulled the device all the way out.  It was a micro-thin braided stainless steel line with a smooth rounded tip.  “Simply insert the ‘Ur-N-Control’ modulator valve as you pull out of the driveway and feel free to relieve yourself wherever and whenever you choose without even stopping the car.  The liquid you expel is filtered and fed into the windshield washer reservoir.  Not a drop is wasted.”  Gunter was actually getting excited about the purchase, something he rarely did anymore.  “Did I mention the modulator valve is self lubricating?”

“You didn’t have to for the price of this automobile,” Gunter retorted.

“The only thing that is optional on this car is the follow up feature to the one I just described, the ‘Deluxe-Duece Road-Rider’.  It is a dealer-installed feature that takes the long trip feature to the next level, effectively turning the driver’s seat into a fully functioning commode/bidet.  The holding tank under the seat freeze dries the contents, pelletizes them, then drops them from a chute tucked in behind the fuel tank onto the highway when vehicle speed reaches 78 MPH.  The bidet feature leaves you completely clean and menthol fresh.  The treatment process actually makes the pellets safe for animal consumption, enabling you to write off the entire price of the vehicle under terms of the Endangered Species Act.  It’s a Win/Win/Win for your comfort, your taxes, and the environment.”

“How long will it take to have that installed?” Gunter asked.  “I want to take delivery as soon as possible.”

“I can have the car ready tomorrow afternoon unless you want to go with the ‘Summer’s-Eve Kitty Splash-O-Rama’ for the passenger seat, as well.”  That will push delivery back four days for the added required fresh water and detergent plumbing lines,” the Consultant noted.  “And add another $4,250 to the price.”

Gunter thought about Miss Magora, his assistant.  “I’ll take it. And make sure the sound system is at least equal to or greater than the one I had in the Pontimercrosoto Coupe I just gave away.”

The Consultant just laughed. “You’ll think Der Bingle is in the back seat crooning right into your ear.”

And that is how the brand new Eldoradanental came to be parked in his garage, Sung-Li using her skills and power tools to wax and buff every point and curve.  Upstairs, Gunter poured himself a Folgers and waited for a young lady whose name he couldn’t remember to get out of the shower for one last session of buttering the biscuit before calling a cab and sending her on her way, a smile on her face and a notch on his belt.  It was there, next to the Stearns & Frost-Her king size bed, as she stood in front of him still damp with pouting lips and carnal suggestions in her eyes that the mood was broken by the ringing of the red Ericphone on the nightstand.

The sound of that ring could only mean his next assignment was coming in.

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