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Dearest Mr. El Capitán,

This day, this very day, my newest and most prized possession, my CMC cap, saw the light of day! Unbeknownst to most of the world, the thriving city of Marble Falls held a classic car show on their used to be, but still named, Main Street (Oct. 5).  The Little Woman and I waited a little after the official start time of 9:00 AM to make our entrance so as to allow the late arrivals to appear in the review lines.

I’ve attended Fenders and Folgers events in central Texas for years. Mostly I just pass through the events as though I was invisible. Which is fine by me. Though there is some very nice machinery, these events are nothing like Pebble Beach or Amelia Island. “Rat Rods” are not out of place in these displays and the folks owning the cars and trucks are what might be referred to as “The Salt of the Earth”. These people would provide a newly minted dentist a lifetime of challenges if only they had the money to pay for the services. I try not to smile too much so as to not look out of place.

I knew from reading the entries on the CMC blog by other owners of the CMC cap that I might be in for a bit of a wild ride. BUT! I was unprepared for what actually happened.

The Little Woman and I had to park about a block and a half away from the event because the local giant pickups take up so much space. I mean, there were only like ten of them but, my, they were manly.  As we strolled arm in arm onto Main Street things at first seemed very normal. We breezed by the items of less interest to us. I then paused to take in a Studebaker Avanti – one of my all time favorites – when the owner engaged me in conversation. I think he noticed my CMC cap and he offered me a beer. “Sure!”

I thought it strange. That had never happened to me before. The LW and I continued on. Next we came to a 1965 Ford Falcon convertible – 289, four speed, forest green. The owner greeted me as though I were a long lost relative. He offered me his seat in the shade and asked if I needed anything. I told him that the LW could use a soda (I still had my beer). He told me that he didn’t have any cold ones and then he left to find one for her in one of the shops there on Main. Returning, he gave the LW a nice cold soda and he thanked me for looking after his Falcon. I told him that it hadn’t been a burden and we attempted to move on down the display line.

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He wasn’t quite ready to let us go. We spoke for about 20 minutes about his car and how much he admired my CMC cap. I told him that I really must be going as the show only ran until 2:00 PM and we had just gotten started with our review. Reluctantly he bid us goodbye and gave me his card.

Next up was a ’74 ‘Cuda. A very nice purple 440-6 with a four speed. One of my dream cars. This time both the guy and his wife gave us their chairs in the shade. Pushing another beer into my hand he launched into telling me the story of his ‘Cuda while his wife fanned me to keep me cool. After going into more detail than I had hoped for, he offered to sell me his ‘Cuda. At a price point that to me seemed a bargain. 

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As I already have too many cars and no room for more I had to decline his offer. He seemed disappointed but he made me promise to let him know if I changed my mind. It was then that things turned a little stranger. 

As we left the ’74 behind a young woman started following us and then struck up a conversation with the LW. The course of the conversation was all about me! She wanted to know if we were together, if we’d been together long, if the LW was happy with me, did we have an open marriage? The LW was more than a little put off by the young lady’s demeanor and rebuffed her line of questioning. Not getting what she wanted to hear from the LW, she switched her attention to me directly. 

I am unused to that level of attention so I was a little taken aback. As I attempted to find my “sea legs” with the lady, she was joined by another young lady that might have been her friend. Now I had two women demanding my attention while I attempted to deal with them without offending my LW. Then there was a third and then a fourth, and then I lost count. As I attempted to move on to view another car, the first young lady removed her tee shirt to get my attention. It worked.

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Struggling to maintain my vows to the LW, we quickened our pace down the review line. A few of the other ladies removed their tops for the same reason that the first one did. And then a pair of lace panties hit me in the face. 

The Little Woman and I broke into a run to attempt to leave the chaos of unrestrained lust behind. It was then that a cop showed up to try to corral the female pack pursuing us down the street. Not having much luck slowing the frenzied females down, he drew and fired his side arm a couple of times in the air. That broke the spell long enough for the LW and me to slip down a side street and make it to our car so we could escape. 

Back home the LW informed me that I’m not to ever wear my CMC cap out in public again. I’m undecided….

Benard Marx  

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