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Few know that Batman and Robin used to split their time between Gotham City and Fort Stockton.  Each being a major metropolis infested with crime and ne’er-do-wells attempting to thwart the system, cause chaos, and promote evil.

In addition to the physical toll fighting crime can take, there was the whole commuting back and forth element.  It was a lot.

Taking a break from their duties and needing to unwind, the dynamic duo headed over to the Lucky Lady Lounge for a few Lone Star Longnecks.  They were both exhausted, having been on the tail of the Joker, Catwoman, and the maniacal Mayor Goodman for days on end.  They needed to just chill and unwind at the local watering hole.

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Robin knows his partner has been working way too hard, putting in too many hours, and is becoming consumed by a task that is almost impossibly complex and daunting.  He thinks to himself that maybe if he can get Batman a little tanked up it might help him unwind and get a respite from the burden of being the Batman.  He remains diligent and works out a deal with Hank, behind the bar at the Lucky Lady, to “Keep ‘em coming for Batman, but make mine Heineken 0.0’s.”  He’s drinking non alcoholic beers to remain completely sober.

By the third longneck the edge was off and Batman was opening up.  He talks about his dead parents, the money he’s lost in Bitcoin, the frustration of Mayor Goodman continuing to walk the streets, despite his penchant for evil deeds.  He opens up about his failed relationships and the frustration he feels for having never been able to convince Lucinda to peel his banana, despite his best efforts.  

Four beers after that and Batman can barely walk.  Robin pays the bar tab and they head out to the parking lot where the Batmobile is parked.  Batman realizes he’s had way too much to drink to be able to get behind the wheel.   He reaches into his utility belt and pulls out the keys.  “You’re driving tonight, Kid,” he says as he tosses the keys to his crime fighting companion.

Robin’s jaw drops open.  He has waited for this moment the entire time they’ve been fighting crime together.  He tries to remain cool as he helps Batman into the passenger seat.  He saunters around the finned back of the car, attempting to look casual.  But inside, his heart is racing.  Determined to test the limits of the famed former Futura, he reaches over and buckles Batman’s belt as the Caped Crusader’s head bobs back and forth.

Robin turns the Batkey in the ignition and the engine roars to life, flames shooting out of the jet exhaust centered in the back of the car.  The old mesquite tree behind the Batmobile narrowly escapes bursting into flames.  He grabs the stick shift, puts it into first gear and slams the accelerator to the floor.  The tires screech all the way out of the parking lot.  In front of the Piggly Wiggly, Robin shifts rapidly into second gear.  He’s up to 60 MPH in less than three seconds, the Rusty Hammer Hardware Store flying by.  He starts to swerve in front of the Grounds of Divorce and downshifts to bring the long black two-seater back under control.  He puts it in fourth gear on the long flat open expanse of Sam Houston Boulevard.  Flying past the Naughty Pine Motel, he drops it into fifth gear and the afterburner kicks in.

He’s determined to see the limits of what the car is capable of.  He’s doing over 90 as he takes the access road to Highway 10.  He’s taking every exit, then getting back on, controlling the car with the stick alone until he gets back on the highway and follows it out past the National Guard Armory.  He glances down at the Batspeedomter and its pegged past 160 MPH.  He’s hardly even touched the brakes since they left the Lucky Lady.  Batman has barely stirred.

Satisfied, Robin realizes he’s probably pushed the Batmobile hard enough that he’s come close to busting the gearbox.  He slows down to 100 MPH and gets ready to take the secret exit to the Bat Cave.  The car screeches to a halt, dead center on the round turntable in the middle of the Bat Cave.  He reaches over to grab the large chrome knob on the armrest that will open the driver’s door.  But a hand stops him.

“Kiss me, Robin,” he hears Batman say.

He can’t believe his ears.  “What did you just say, Batman?”

“Kiss me, Robin!”  Batman is slurring his words, but his intentions are clear.

“Batman, what the heck?”  Robin is stunned. “You know that’s not how I roll!”

“Robin, shut up and give me a kiss.”  Batman is adamant.

“I don’t know what gave you that idea,” Robin tries to explain.  “But I’m not into you!”

“Oh come on, Robin. You’ve always known that the Batmobile has an automatic.”

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