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This is the final chapter of a Seven Part Series.

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“It was the damndest thing I ever saw.  I’ll tell you that for damn sure.”  Heck Haskel was firmly planted on the bar stool in front of Hank at the Lucky Lady Lounge, thinking about what had happened earlier in the day.  He was both exhausted and wound up tighter than an eight day clock at the same time, probably the result of the earlier experience and the four beers he’d downed in quick succession.

“The Falcon was on the north side of the highway, flattened from rolling over at least once, maybe twice.  The banana truck was on its side, across the highway in the bar ditch.  I’m slip slidin’ all over the damn asphalt because of them mashed bananas all over the road.  I make it to the Falcon, look in, and there is Mabel Malakoff sprawled out on the front seat, out colder than a mackerel.  She’s wearing’ nothin’ but a housecoat, naked as the day she was born underneath.  But she’s breathin’ and appeared to not have any serious injuries, just knocked out from the impact.”  Heck took a long swig of his beer before he continued.

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“I go over to the banana truck layin’ on its side.  There’s Russet, the young guy who started the banana business a few years back after nearly going tits up in the spud game.  He’s layin’ on top of some half naked Mexican girl on the passenger side of the cab of that god awful green and yellow GMC truck he drives.”  She’s got blood on her, but I don’t see any obvious injuries.  He starts comin’ around as I’m peering’ through the damn window.  He looks as surprised as I am.  He tries to get off the little Mexican girl.  As he does, it’s obvious she’s got a rack that’s better than any 12-point buck I ever shot.”  Hank looked at him a little surprised.  “I’m just sayin’.”

“Between Mabel and the little Mexican girl, it’s tirst time in my entire life I’ve seen two laid out beavers on the highway instead of armadillos.”  Heck takes another swig.  “Anyway, I pry open the door, help ol’ Russet out of the cab.  Between the two of us, we reach in and get the Mexican girl out.  Damn she was a purdy thing.  We get her covered up with an old blanket Russet had in the truck.  Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t have minded that view being available just a tad longer.”

Hank raised his eyebrows and took the rag from his shoulder and wiped down the bar to avoid eye contact.

“Anyway, before I know it, Rodger from Frontier Ford shows up in that new red Sunliner of his.  About the same time, Russet’s wife pulls up in her Ranchero.  It’s like the wreck was broadcast on the radio or something.  Russet’s trying to explain the half naked Mexican girl to his wife.  Rodger is helping Mabel squeeze out the narrow window of the smashed Falcon.  Her housecoat gets hung up on the door handle as she’s squeezin’ out, and good Lord.”  Heck took another long swig, emptied the bottle and signaled for Hank to bring him another one. “Her coot-coot and poop chute are exposed for all the world to see. It was like a train wreck; you know you should look away, but can’t.”

“All this is before the cops even show up.  Russet, his wife, the naked Mexican girl, Mabel Malakoff, and Rodger all pile into the Sunliner while I start the process of fishin’ each of those two vehicles out of the bar ditch with the F500 Marmon-Herrington Wrecker.  God only knows what the conversation was taking place in that shiny red convertible, I’ll tell ya that for damn sure.  The top was up.  Windows too.  I couldn’t hear a thing.  I did see Rodger hand Mabel the tonneau cover for the convertible top to cover up with.”  Heck shook his head, reflecting on all that had taken place.

On the surface, it seems like a story that had no good outcomes.

But in reality, damn near every outcome that happened was good, save for maybe some occasional embarrassment.  And the obvious physical damage to the drug lord back in Chihuahua. But even that is up for debate.  That’s the beauty of 20/20 hindsight.

You see, Julienne, who’d taken four years of Spanish at Jim Bowie High School, quickly got the full story from Lorena as to what happened in Chihuahua, and how Russet came to find her half naked and covered with blood on the dirt road deep in Mexico.  In fact, Lorena shared details with Julienne that no-one else ever knew. Well, except for Lucinda. She knows just about everything.

Lorena was able to remain in Fort Stockton, her secret safe with Russet and his wife.  She quickly learned English, taking classes at Our Lady of Immeasurable Concern. She changed her name to Thelma and eventually took a vow to serve God as a result of Him seeing fit to save her from her ordeal.

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For their part, Russet and Julienne McCullough had their first tot, a son, shortly after the ordeal.  They named him Mason and he remained an only child.  He benefited from the fortune they went on to make in the produce and baked goods business.  They provided the seed money for many of the ventures he started in and around Fort Stockton that made him a bit of a legend before his untimely death from cancer a while back.  In a twist of fate, he even ended up owning 18% of Frontier Ford-Lincoln-Mercury, “Home of the Straight Shootin’ Deal,” where many of the cars from the story originated.

Of course Mabel’s Falcon was totaled.  But she considered it a blessing.  “If I had been driving that Sunliner with its convertible top, when the whole thing took place I’d have been thrown from the car, or crushed when it rolled.  I consider it God’s hand that I never learned to drive a standard transmission, and that I never had a desire for big flashy cars with fins.”

“As far as being seen by a small crowd of people in nothing but the smallest remnants of a housecoat and nothing else?” she said,  “We all look pretty much the same underneath.  I found it freeing.  Sort of the next step in a natural progression on my journey.”  Rodger arranged for Mabel to get a replacement Falcon sedan, one of the first of the 1961 models, for what her insurance settlement had given her.  “I got green instead of black.  It’s just a happier color,” she told the Stockton Telegram-Dispatch when interviewed.

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Folks would see Mabel and Agnus around town in the new Falcon Ford.  They sat very low in the car because neither were tall of stature.  But people would swear the two of them were naked inside.  A few years later she traded the Falcon in on a brand new 1964 Ford Country Squire.  She’d become close with Julienne McCullough and Julienne insisted she spring the fender skirts.  “You won’t regret it.  The skirts make the car!”

Those would prove to be the only skirts the Squire ever saw.  There were rumors that the entire Second Baptist Sewing Club would take short trips around Southwest Texas completely in the buff.  Seems that what they were sewing was limited to baby blankets and altar adornments, as Mabel had shared the greatness of the freedom of cruising commando.

Mabel Malakoff and Heck Haskell dated off and on for years after the incident, though never actually married. “He compares favorably to those featured in the men’s undergarments section of the Sears catalog,” she whispered to Agnus while putting the crumbled potato chips on top of the tuna hot dish for the fall picnic. Agnus had wondered, but never would have asked. “That 1953 Ford F500 isn’t the only thing he’s got that’s a wrecker!” Mabel giggled. There was a look on Mabel’s face that was a combination of embarrassment and unadulterated pleasure.

And we can’t forget the neighbor kid who had been gifted Mabel’s 1951 Ford sedan when she and Rodger swapped cars at the DMV.  Rex Hall, 16 at the time and perhaps headed down the path of drugs and trouble, took the car and spent all his time, money, and effort in customizing the old shoebox Ford.  With the help of his buddy Earl Jr., whose father owned Earl’s Salvage Yard and Formalwear, the two of them converted the old plain sedan into a custom hot rod pick-up.

The 1951 Ford that started life as a 4-door sedan was fully customized with a chopped roof, pickup bed conversion, Olds grille, and metallic green paint job with flames. Other modifications included a FatMan Fabrication front clip, a louvered hood, and custom gauges.  The roof was chopped 5″ and the rear window shape and glass is retained from the sedan. Lights and grille were frenched and wheel wells feature Chevy truck fender lips. The flames were outlined in blue pinstripes and the hubcaps were from a Lancer. 

Rex’s life was turned around by the old Ford.  Did he completely dodge a life of drugs?  Of course not.  He went to school and became a pharmacist, returning to Fort Stockton to open Rex Hall Drug.  If you spend any time around him at the Grounds for Divorce, you’ll be able to tell that drugs and cars are still his life.

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And the 1960 Ford Sunliner given away by Sears and Roebuck as a promotion in 1960 that started the whole thing?  Rodger kept it for a few years, only driving it in parades and homecoming events at Jim Bowie High School, “Home of the Fighting’ Knives.”  He stored it for quite a while, then eventually sold it to Russett and Julienne McCullough. They eventually saved it out at the farm, and eventually gave it to Mason as his first car. Mason sold sold the Sunliner to a collector who took it out of state. Mason wanted to get something a little sportier. Of course he regretted selling the Sunliner years later, when he was putting together his own collection of significant Fords in the barn out at his place.

The collector he sold it to stored the car for decades, thinking it might have some cultural significance for being the cheaply equipped, but good looking convertible that Sears gave away to tempt its customers back in the day.  As if the lingerie wasn’t enough.

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