STORIES

IN THE BAG


There are men who go to war and come back with stories.

And then there are men like Hairless B29, who come back with a story tattooed across their entire back so nobody has to ask.

It wasn’t subtle work either. No tasteful outline, no artistic restraint. This was a full cinematic production rendered in ink: a Boeing B-29 Superfortress going down in a violent bloom of orange and black, propellers frozen mid-failure, smoke corkscrewing into a sky that didn’t look particularly forgiving. If you stared long enough, you could almost hear the engines coughing themselves to death.

Hairless claimed it was historically accurate.

Nobody ever had the heart to tell him that history tends to be quieter about these things.

Now, for reasons that only make sense if you squint and accept fate as a drunk foreman assigning jobs at random, Hairless ended up working for TWA.

Not as a pilot.

Not as ground crew.

Not even pushing one of those little carts that zip around like caffeinated beetles on the tarmac.

No, sir.

They put him in Lost Luggage.

Which, if you think about it, is the airline equivalent of a confession booth. People arrive desperate, agitated, and halfway convinced that something important has gone missing forever. The difference is, instead of absolution, they get a man with a flaming airplane on his back and the emotional range of a folding chair.

By the time folks reached Hairless, they’d already argued with ticket agents, pleaded with gate attendants, and stared long enough at the baggage carousel to begin questioning their life choices and religion of preference.

They weren’t looking for warmth.

They were looking for a suitcase.

Hairless, for his part, treated each interaction like a transaction at a hardware store that had run out of nails.

One afternoon, a woman came up clutching a boarding pass and what looked like the last thread of her composure.

“My bag,” she said, voice trembling, “it has my medication in it. I need it. I have to take it every six hours.”

Hairless nodded once, the way a man acknowledges weather.

“What’s it look like?”

“Blue. Medium-sized. There’s a ribbon on the handle.”

Hairless typed something into the system that may or may not have been real.

“We’ll locate it,” he said.

“How long will that take?”

Hairless leaned back in his chair, considering the question like it was a philosophical puzzle.

“Could be an hour. Could be three days. Could be in Omaha right now living a better life than the rest of us.”

The woman blinked.

Then she swayed.

Then she fainted dead away right there on the linoleum.

Hairless looked down at her, then up at the line of increasingly concerned passengers.

“Next in line,” he said.



Now, because of legal matters that still hover like a summer storm that refuses to break, we cannot disclose the exact airport where Hairless conducted this particular brand of customer service. Nor can we directly connect any of this to the eventual disappearance of TWA as a functioning airline.

But if you’ve ever stood in a line that didn’t move and felt your faith in systems begin to peel away like sunburned skin, you’re already halfway there.

Lucinda knows the rest.

She always does.

Catch her at Grounds for Divorce when the coffee’s fresh and the crowd is thin, and she’ll lean in just enough to let you know you’re about to hear something you didn’t earn but will remember anyway.

Just be prepared to tip like you mean it.

Because the story she tells about the luggage set? That one’s worth the price of admission.



It arrived without fanfare.

No owner trailing behind it, no frantic call, no scribbled claim ticket clutched in a sweaty hand. Just three pieces of luggage that looked like they had no business being anywhere near the general population.

Green leather.

Deep, proper green. The kind that doesn’t apologize.

Loop handles stitched with the sort of precision that suggests someone, somewhere, cared deeply about straight lines. Brass hardware that had weight to it, not the tinny suggestion of metal you get on discount suitcases. Combination locks that clicked with authority.

And inside—what little could be seen through the cracked edge of one lid—a red cloth lining that looked like it had opinions. Opinions that mattered.

Each piece bore a winged emblem. Aston Martin. Not printed, not embossed like a half-hearted promise, but pressed in with the quiet confidence of a brand that doesn’t need to explain itself.

Tanner Krolle, London.

Hairless didn’t know who Tanner was.

He assumed Krolle was a place.

But he knew quality when it sat in front of him and refused to be claimed.

Days passed.

Then weeks.

Then months.

The set remained.

At first, it sat behind the counter, where Hairless could keep an eye on it the way a rancher watches a gate that doesn’t quite latch.

Eventually, it migrated to his office—a small, windowless space lacking any soul or personal items just outside the reach of the public, where fluorescent lights hummed and the air carried a permanent suggestion of stale coffee and forgotten ambition.

It sat there, patient.

Waiting.

There’s a certain kind of curiosity that doesn’t knock.

It just moves in.

Hairless found himself glancing at the luggage more often than he’d admit. Not in a sentimental way. More like a man sizing up a locked door and wondering what kind of trouble might be sitting on the other side.

One night, long after the last delayed flight had emptied its frustrations into the building and the janitor had made his slow orbit through the halls, Hairless made a decision.

He carried the set out to his car.

A white Peugeot sedan from the 1980s that had seen better days and refused to discuss them.

The trunk accepted the luggage with a soft, final sound.



Under the cover of a darkness that wasn’t trying too hard, Hairless drove to the condo he shared with a Pan Am stewardess named Denise.

Now, Denise was the kind of woman who knew how to fold a uniform so it looked like it had never been worn and how to deliver a drink with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes unless she meant it to.

What Hairless didn’t know—at least not yet—was that Denise also had a husband.

Details.

Those come later.

The luggage made its way inside.

Set down in the living room like guests who had overstayed their welcome before they’d even been introduced.

Hairless stared at the locks.

Three digits each.

Six numbers standing between him and whatever story had been packed away and abandoned.

He didn’t try to force them.

Hairless wasn’t reckless.

He was patient.

Which is how, a few days later, he found himself in a back hallway of the airport, speaking with a man who could open things that didn’t want to be opened.

The locksmith was a quiet sort. The kind of man who carried his tools in a worn leather roll and his opinions in silence.

“What’s in ‘em?” he asked.

“If I knew that,” Hairless said, “we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

The locksmith considered this.

“What’s it worth to you?”

Hairless reached into his pocket and produced a stack of in-flight drink coupons.

Twenty of them.

The currency of minor indulgence.

Then, from under his arm, he slid out a TWA pillow and blanket set. Slightly used, but still carrying the faint promise of comfort at 30,000 feet.  With a little imagination, the password to get into the Mile High Club.

The locksmith looked at the pile.

Then at Hairless.

Then back at the pile.



“That’ll do.”

They worked in silence.

The first lock clicked open like it had been waiting for permission.

Then the second.

Then the third.

Hairless felt something shift in the room. Not excitement. Not dread.

Something quieter.

Anticipation with a pulse.

He opened the vanity case first.

Inside: order.

A mirror fitted neatly into the lid, reflecting a version of Hairless that looked like he’d just walked into his own story uninvited. A lift-out tray containing grooming items that spoke of routine—brushes, small bottles, things designed to maintain a standard.

Nothing remarkable.

Nothing that explained why it had been left behind.

The medium suitcase came next.

Clothes.

Well-made. Tailored. The kind of fabric that doesn’t wrinkle so much as reconsider its shape. Shirts, trousers, underthings folded with precision.

And then, beneath it all, a leather folder.

Hairless opened it.

Inside were documents.

Passports.

Plural.

Different names.

Same face.

Photographs.

A man in front of cars that cost more than Hairless’s annual salary.

Aston Martins, mostly.

Somewhere between the third and fourth passport, Hairless realized he was looking at a man who didn’t stay in one place long enough to be found.

The large suitcase was last.

He hesitated.

Not out of fear.

Out of instinct.

Because sometimes the biggest answers come in the largest packages, and they rarely arrive politely.

He opened it.

Inside, nestled beneath another layer of clothing, was a case.

Black.

Unassuming.

Hairless lifted it out and set it on the floor.

Opened it.

Money.

Stacks of it.

Neat.

Band-wrapped.

Enough to make a man reconsider his plans.

Hairless sat back.

The room felt smaller.

The kind of small that presses in from all sides without touching you.

He closed the case.

Then opened it again, just to be sure it was real.

It was.

Now, a lesser man might have panicked.

A better man might have called someone.

Hairless did neither. He loaded the treasure back into the trunk of the Peugeot and headed back to the condo. To Denise. To the possibility of a new life free of the regrets that had ruled the old one.

He stood up, walked to the kitchen, and poured himself a glass of something that had no business being in a plastic cup.

Then he sat back down and thought about what a man does when he finds something that doesn’t belong to him.

He keeps it.

But carefully.



Over the next few weeks, Hairless made adjustments.

Quiet ones.

The Peugeot got new tires.

The condo acquired a television that didn’t hum when it was off.

Denise asked questions.

Hairless answered them with the same level of detail he used at the luggage counter.

Minimal.

Eventually, Denise’s husband entered the picture.

Not dramatically.

Just one evening, standing in the doorway with a look that suggested he had reached the end of a conversation he hadn’t been part of.

Hairless considered him.

Then considered the luggage.

Then made a decision.

He left.

Not in a hurry.

Just… left.

The luggage went with him.

Years passed.

Hairless found his way back to Fort Stockton, because men like him always do. Not because the town calls them, but because it doesn’t bother to stop them.

The luggage?

It’s still around.

Not displayed.

Not talked about much.

But if you find yourself at the Lucky Lady Lounge, sitting in Booth #4 on a night when the air feels like it’s holding onto something, you might notice a set of green leather cases tucked away in the corner.

They’re not holding money anymore.

Or passports.

Or secrets that belong to other men.

These days, they’re used to store something far more dangerous.

Stories.

Hairless keeps them there.

Neatly packed.

Waiting.

Because in Fort Stockton, the truth isn’t always lost.

Sometimes it’s just… in the bag.



7 responses to “IN THE BAG”

  1. Although the Captain has lifted certain aspects of my life experiences and juxtaposed them against other actual, but unrelated, elements, rest assured this is 99 & 44/100% hosspuckey, something I’m sure will come as a complete shock to regular readers here. Just be mindful of what lies, anecdotes and delusions you relate to the skipper after that third pitcher of Lone Star at the Lucky Lady.

    The personal — some highly personal — belongings of the Lone Ranger, King Kong, U.S. Senators, the mysterious Mr. Drucker, a foul-mouthed Presidential candidate, cheating Hollywood actors, Nudie (the western wear tailor to the stars), belly dancers and countless others of no repute whatsoever all cycled through our department. There were no suitcases packed with life-changing volumes of currency, but there was this one gray Samsonite attaché case that contained a Rolex Daytona with a broken bracelet, a police duty belt, $5,000 cash and a pair of ladies panties that were not, shall we say, in their original retail packaging. A fascinating investigation eventually identified the owner and the item was safely returned to him or her (we would issue and mail a company check for large cash amounts contained therein). One of the items discovered though was responsible for a life-changing development for yours truly, in a kind of roundabout manner.

    Among the .56% that IS true — it was a Peugeot 405. Not the legendary French workhorse that was the 504, but a helluva good car indeed. The other true part is that the job actually was the airline equivalent of a confession booth. People lock away things in their luggage that they never suspect will be seen by anybody but themselves and that’s a fact.

    • Say what you want to. But there have been multiple verified reports of a well refined British-looking dude slowly driving around the outskirts of Fort Stockton in a 60s model Aston Martin that may or may not work its way into a future story. Panties optional, but thanks for that detail.

  2. Once again it appears that the Capt. has veered into the realm of composing unbelievable fiction.

    And it has nothing to do with the machinations of HB29.

    No, it’s that Hairless was able to make it to Fort Stockton in a Peugeot without a catastrophic mechanical failure when the closest international airport where he would’ve been employed is at least 300 miles away in any direction.

    • Nah …
      Columbo’s 403 Cabriolet could survive nuclear nightfall.
      Hairless B29 obviously respects machinery, and a 504 is anything but delicate.
      Those 504 Peugeot are ubiquitous for going hundreds of thousands of miles, even more per the diesel version, in virtually any terrain and climate –
      worldwide –
      taxi service in Africa,
      mail delivery in the jungles of South America,
      deserts of Kalahari,
      unforgiving areas of Asia,
      tourists on the streets of Paris and Marseilles,
      college students in Boston and New Orleans –
      and sometimes even here in the backwaters of the good old USA –
      that fantastic suspension handling the worst excuses for a road –
      Nope, the automotive version of a Timex –
      Takes a Licking – and Keeps on Ticking
      (valve adjustment notwithstanding)

      But – gotta’ wonder if the owner of that luggage got snuffed out somewhere along the way –
      and more importantly, was the Aston Martin saved to be offered on Bring a Trailer?

      • Re Peugeot 504s I know you’re spot-on but what seemingly was the deal with the ones that were exported to the US? Were they “seconds?” Assembled on Friday afternoon after a Burgundy-soaked lunch?
        In my adolescence, a few neighbors had them and they went through head gaskets the way Mayor Goodman goes through Big Macs and Diet Cokes.

        • I provided consulting services to our local Peugeot, Citroen, Alfa-Romeo & Renault dealership while owning a stable of Citroens, coordinating their Parts & Service department. We had literally hundreds of Peugeot 504 clients back in the 1978-1985 time frame, several folks commuting from the Baton Rouge area, Mississippi, and coming in from remote location having worked offshore – and never had a single head gasket replacement – not a one. There was one 212,xxx mile Diesel 504 automatic transmission which sometimes didn’t want to go into reverse. Turns out it was my wife’s cousin’s girlfriend. Her father insisted that fluid maintenance was “a scam”. A trans flush and refill solved that issue. The next week a gas-engine 504 sedan came in, not able to get up to speed. Normal in-town driving had been barely acceptable, but acceleration and highway driving were not. The factory rep happened to be in town and tore into all the reasonable tune-up items, but to no avail. The real issue? A fried catalytic converter which drastically restricted exhaust flow.

          On the whole, the 403, 504, 505, and later the 605 which were built on the Citroen XM platform were exceptionally reliable, superbly comfortable, and a pleasure to drive – standing up to amazing abuse.

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