STORIES

FAKING IT


The slow days at Grounds for Divorce had their own kind of weather. They settled over the café after lunch, somewhere between the last chicken-fried steak and the first old man who wandered in pretending he had not already had four cups of coffee at home. The ceiling fans turned with that lazy confidence only ceiling fans and county employees ever seem to possess, the pie case hummed, Delgado moved around in the kitchen with the steady rhythm of a man who could dice an onion while judging three conversations at once, and Lucinda stood behind the counter with a coffee pot in her hand, looking at the regulars gathered around the middle table as if she had decided they were either customers or witnesses.

Hairless B29 was there, leaning back with both hands around his cup, listening to nothing and everything. Chad from the Piggly Wiggly had a napkin folded into quarters beside his saucer, because Chad had never quite learned how to relax without organizing the materials first. Rex Hall sat with his elbows tucked close to his ribs, as if the health department might be watching him even in his off hours. Pastor Peterson had his Bible beside him, though not open, because some men carry a pocketknife and some carry Scripture. Trixie had just come from Klip-N-Dye and still smelled faintly of hairspray, perm solution, and moral flexibility. Earl from Earl’s Salvage Yard and Formalwear was working through a slice of pecan pie with the solemn attention of a man who believed dessert deserved witnesses.

It was the kind of afternoon when nobody was in a hurry because there was nowhere worth hurrying to, and if there had been, it probably would have closed early.

Lucinda topped off Hairless, then Chad, then Trixie, then Rex, giving Pastor Peterson the half cup he always claimed was enough and never was. She held the pot over Earl’s mug, waited for him to nod, and filled it almost to the rim.



“Y’all ever notice,” she said, “that Angus Hopper may be the only man in Pecos County who could own a Porsche and somehow make it nobody’s business?”

That got the table.

Chad looked up so fast his napkin slid off the saucer. Rex blinked twice and reached for his cup without quite finding the handle. Trixie narrowed her eyes, which in her profession meant either disbelief or interest, depending on how much hairspray was involved. Pastor Peterson lifted his chin like a man hearing the first line of a sermon he had not agreed to preach. Earl kept chewing, but slower.

Hairless did not move. Hairless had long ago learned that when Lucinda began a sentence with “Y’all ever notice,” the safest thing was to let the horses run until one of them found a fence.

“Angus Hopper?” Chad said. “Our Angus Hopper?”

“No,” Lucinda said. “The fancy Angus Hopper from Midland who summers in Monaco. Of course our Angus Hopper.”

“The man drives a beat-up old Ford pickup,” Rex said.

“And there you have the first mistake people make,” Lucinda said. “Thinking a man is only what he drives to breakfast.”

Earl wiped his mouth. “My parts truck’s got a tuxedo rack in the back and nobody’s ever called me complicated.”

“That’s because you advertise,” Trixie said.

“I offer a complete service,” Earl said.

Lucinda leaned against the end of the counter, coffee pot still in hand, and smiled the way she smiled when the truth was close enough to hear but not close enough to defend itself.

“Angus wasn’t here today,” she said, “which makes this the perfect time to tell it correctly.”

“Meaning accurately?” Pastor Peterson asked.

“Meaning without interruption.”

Hairless gave a small nod. “That is often the cleaner version.”

Lucinda looked toward Angus’s usual chair, empty at the far side of the table, where he normally sat with his cap pushed back and his hands around a cup of coffee, quiet until something foolish needed saying and then usually capable of saying it in fewer words than anyone else in town. Most people knew Angus by the old Ford F-100 he drove, a truck so dented and sun-faded it looked less owned than survived. It rattled into the parking lot most mornings with a tired tailgate, mismatched paint, and an exhaust note that sounded like a coffee can full of roofing nails being shaken by a disappointed uncle. Nobody associated that truck with refinement. Nobody looked at it and thought of Europe. Nobody watched Angus climb out in boots and a work shirt and imagined him folding himself into something low, white, and German that had once made rich men feel young and young men feel reckless.

“That,” Lucinda said, “is how Angus preferred it.”



She told them Angus had bought the Speedster years before anyone in Fort Stockton would have known whether to call it a Porsche or a Porch. A 1957 Porsche 356A Speedster, white from the factory and still white, though not the kind of white that sits in museums under special lighting while men in linen jackets whisper about provenance. This one had been driven. Properly driven. It had seen road trips and gas stations and motel parking lots and weather that would have made collectors clutch their microfiber towels and call for emotional support. The front nose had been replaced sometime back, by a real Porsche 356 restorer named Roy Smalley, and the metal had been repainted in its original white, but the old car still carried enough marks to prove it had not spent its life posing for calendars. The rear valance was bent. The rockers were dinged around the jack receivers. There were scratches and small dents in the finish, the kind that did not ruin the car so much as give it a memory.

“Angus always said,” Lucinda told them, “that if a car’s too perfect to take to the grocery store, you don’t own a car. You own a hostage situation.”

Hairless smiled into his cup.

The Speedster had the late-1957 single teardrop taillamps and a little shine-up license plate light. It wore nerf bars instead of the original bumpers, which made it look like somebody had taken a bar of soap, taught it manners, then dared it to fight. It had chromed Brazilian replica wheels with matching caps and reproduction cloisonné crests, which Angus claimed was just enough jewelry for a car that otherwise did not believe in church clothes. The low-bow convertible top worked, though the rubberized fabric was not original and the corners were worn, and the rear plastic window had yellowed enough to make the whole world behind you look like an old iced-tea pitcher. It had a tonneau cover and clear plastic side curtains, which Angus said were mostly there to prove Germans understood weather as a rumor rather than a condition. The low removable windshield was still in place, though the rubber seals had aged in spots, giving the car that faint looseness old things get when they have been faithful longer than anyone had a right to expect.

Inside, Lucinda said, it was even better because it was worse. The Speedster bucket seats had been reupholstered at some point, but not quite evenly, and the backs did not match the way a judge would prefer. The rubber floor covers were tattered from decades of heels, boots, grit, and getting in when you were too tired to be graceful. The coco mats had aged right along with everything else. The mirrors had delamination in them, and the passenger-side dash material was peeling. But the two-spoke factory steering wheel was intact, the floor shifter was still where it belonged, the heater knob was stock, and the gold Porsche script on the dash still looked like a small, elegant signature from a company that had not yet learned how expensive its own handwriting would become.

“The speedometer worked,” Lucinda said. “Fuel gauge worked. Tach had been fixed. Oil temperature gauge was missing its needle, which Angus said was fine because after a certain age nobody needs more information than absolutely necessary.”

“That does sound like Angus,” Chad said.

“The engine wasn’t original,” Lucinda continued. “But it was period correct. A sixteen-hundred flat four, rebuilt by a 356 racer named Vic Skirmants, with Weber carburetors instead of the Solexes it had started with. Larger intake manifolds too. Angus said nobody knew exactly what had been done inside that motor, which was how he liked both engines and people. But the little thing ran strong.”

Rex cleared his throat. “I may have heard something about that years ago.”

Every face at the table turned toward him.

Rex took a sip of coffee. “In passing.”

“Rex,” Trixie said, “you didn’t know Angus owned anything sportier than a crescent wrench.”

“I said in passing.”

Lucinda let him have that much mercy and no more.

She said Angus drove the Speedster more than people would have expected, though never in the way people expected. He did not take it out to be admired, not exactly. He took it because he liked the way it felt, because it was light and honest and made the road seem narrower and more personal. He liked that it had no interest in impressing anyone who did not already understand it. Out on the highway, it was not fast by modern standards, and certainly not fast in the way boys with new payments and loud mufflers used the word, but it had a kind of eager little spirit to it, a bright mechanical willingness, as if every mile were a question it was happy to answer.

Most of the time when people saw it at gas stations or in parking lots, they gave Angus a thumbs-up or said, “Nice car,” which he accepted with a nod because compliments made him itchy if they lasted too long. But every so often someone would walk around it a little too slowly, look at the windshield, the nerf bars, the worn interior, the old Porsche badge, and ask the question Angus had come to expect.

“Is it real?”

Here Lucinda stopped and refilled everyone again, because timing matters and coffee gives suspense somewhere to sit.

“What did he say?” Chad asked.

Lucinda looked offended. “I’m getting there.”

“You paused.”

“I paused artistically.”

“You paused like Delgado does when he’s deciding whether the chicken is still legal.”

From the kitchen Delgado yelled, “It is always legal until proven otherwise.”

Lucinda ignored the kitchen, which was both a professional skill and a survival technique.

“Angus,” she said, “being Angus, developed a habit. Whenever somebody asked if it was real, he would say, ‘Nope. Replica.’”

Trixie smiled slowly. “Of course he would.”

“He said there was something peaceful about it. The kind of person who asked that question usually wanted to either judge him, correct him, or make themselves important in the presence of his hood latch. So Angus would say it was fake, and most of them would lose interest and wander off, disappointed that they had not uncovered anything worth reporting to strangers.”

Hairless nodded. “A fake answer for a fake curiosity.”

“Exactly,” Lucinda said.

Pastor Peterson made a thoughtful sound. “There may be a sermon in that.”

“Don’t punish us just because Angus owned a Porsche,” Trixie said.

Lucinda said it happened one afternoon when Angus was somewhere out past where the country starts looking less like a place and more like a dare. He had stopped at a gas station in a small town, the kind with two pumps, one restroom key attached to a canoe paddle, and coffee that had been on the burner long enough to qualify as acreage. He had filled the Speedster, gone inside, bought a cup of that coffee, and was standing beside the car when an elderly man came out from the shade near the service bay.



The man had white hair, thin arms, and the slow walk of somebody whose knees had retired before the rest of him. His shirt had his name stitched over one pocket, though the stitching had faded so much Angus could not read it. He came toward the Speedster with his eyes narrowed, not in suspicion exactly, but in recognition being careful with itself.

“Is it real?” the old man asked.

And Angus, because fate sometimes lets a man step right into the hole he dug for himself, said, “No, sir. It’s a replica.”

The old man squinted harder. Then he smiled.

“That’s funny,” he said, “because it wasn’t fake when I worked on it back in the seventies.”

Lucinda slapped the counter once with the flat of her hand, and Chad actually said, “Lord,” under his breath.

“Angus nearly choked on the coffee,” she said. “Which might have been the best possible thing that coffee could have done for him. He told me he just stood there holding that paper cup, looking at the old man, while every clever answer he had ever owned packed its bags and left town.”

Earl leaned forward. “The old man knew the car?”

“Knew it the way Delgado knows which burner sticks and which customer tips in dimes.  And other things I will not enumerate at this point.  Or any other.”

From the kitchen Delgado said, “Dimes add up.”

“The old man asked if he could open the engine cover,” Lucinda continued. “And Angus, who had just been caught lying to the one man in three states qualified to object, nodded. The old fellow leaned inside, reached to the exact spot where the release cable was hidden, pulled it like he had done it yesterday, then walked around back and lifted the cover. No guessing. No fumbling. No pretending. He knew that car.”

The table had gone quiet now. Even Rex had stopped preparing his face for a false claim of prior knowledge.

Lucinda’s voice softened, because a story like that does not need shouting once it has found the good part.

“The old man waved Angus around to the back and pointed down into the engine bay. He said, ‘See there?’ Angus looked, but at first he didn’t know what he was supposed to see. Then the old man touched the right air filter housing, just near the edge, where there was a little ding. Not much. Just a small dent, the kind of thing you’d miss unless memory had put a flag in it. The old man said, ‘It still has the ding. I dropped that housing one time during a tune-up, and the owner told me not to worry about it.’”



Trixie’s expression changed. It was not just interest now. It was the look she got when she realized a man had been walking around town with an untold story in his pocket, which in Trixie’s personal religion was very close to cologne.

Lucinda said Angus stared at the dent, then at the old man, then back at the dent. That small mark had been in the car for decades. Angus had seen it a hundred times and never known it was a fingerprint. Never known it connected the car to a younger version of the old man standing there, back when his hands were steadier, his back was straighter, and a Porsche Speedster in a service bay was just somebody’s car, not a collectible object people whispered over. Time had folded itself once, neatly, right there between the gas pumps and the burnt coffee.

The old man smiled, winked, and said, loud enough for the whole empty station to hear, “Fake indeed!”

Hairless laughed then, a low little laugh that seemed to come from under the table.

“That,” he said, “is a clean kill.”

“It gets better,” Lucinda said.

“Of course it does,” Chad said.

“Angus gave him a ride.”

Nobody spoke.

That may have been the most unbelievable part of the whole story. Angus Hopper would loan a man a tool, help him fix a fence, sit with him in a hospital waiting room, or give him the last biscuit without calling attention to it. But his private things were private. His old Ford was public because nobody wanted it. The Porsche was different. The Speedster was not a secret exactly, but it was kept in the way some men keep grief, pleasure, or good whiskey. Not hidden from shame. Hidden from weather.

“He told me,” Lucinda said, “that was the first and last time he ever gave a stranger a ride in that car.”

Pastor Peterson smiled. “A pilgrimage, then.”

“Something like that. The old man climbed in slow, and Angus said he had to help him with the door and the side curtain and the whole business, because getting into a Speedster when you’re young is athletic, and getting into one when you’re old is a negotiation. But once he was in, he put his hand on the dash, right near that gold Porsche script, and got quiet. Angus said he looked younger before they even pulled away.”

They drove out of town on a two-lane road with heat rising off the pavement and the low windshield pushing the wind up around them. The old man talked over the engine, telling Angus he had been a mechanic since the early sixties, that he had worked on everything from tractors to Thunderbirds to foreign little machines people mistrusted until they drove them. He remembered the Speedster’s previous owner. Remembered the tune-up. Remembered the dropped air filter housing. Remembered the car when it was not rare, not famous, not priced like lakefront property, just a quick white Porsche that came in needing valves adjusted and carburetors balanced.



Angus listened. That was his gift when he chose to use it. He could sit inside another person’s memory without rearranging the furniture.

They did not go far, but they did not have to. Some rides are measured in miles, and some are measured in what they return to a person. By the time they came back to the gas station, the old man was smiling in a way that made him look both happy and defeated, as if the past had reached out, shaken his hand, and gone back where it belonged. Angus shut the engine off. The little flat four ticked behind them as it cooled. The old man patted the door before climbing out, then stood there looking at the car one more time.

He told Angus it was a small world.

Angus said he guessed it was.

“And then,” Lucinda said, “Angus got back in that allegedly fake Porsche and drove off, having been corrected by history itself.”

For a while the only sounds were the ceiling fans, the pie case, and Delgado moving pans in the kitchen. Outside, a pickup passed slowly along Dickinson Boulevard, its tires whispering over the hot pavement. The empty chair where Angus usually sat seemed more occupied than it had before, as if the story had pulled some hidden version of him into the room and left it there for inspection.

Chad looked at that chair with a new kind of respect. Chad had always liked Angus, but this was different. This was the awe of a man discovering that somebody he had filed under “old truck and dry comments” also belonged under “white Porsche Speedster, Weber carburetors, private jokes with strangers, and a life that had apparently been running a second engine the whole time.”

Trixie looked toward the front window, where Angus’s Ford was not parked, and said nothing for long enough that everyone noticed.

“What?” Lucinda asked.

“Nothing,” Trixie said. “I just didn’t know Angus had that much… range.”

Hairless coughed into his cup.

Rex straightened in his chair. “As I said, I believe I had heard some faint mention of it.”

“No, you hadn’t,” Earl said.

“I said faint.”

“You heard it five minutes ago.”

Rex adjusted his glasses. “Information often arrives before we recognize it.”

“That’s not how knowing works,” Chad said.

“It is in pharmacy,” Rex said.

Pastor Peterson had been quiet, one hand resting lightly on the closed Bible. Now he looked at the empty chair too, and his face carried that gentle wonder he sometimes got when something ordinary had opened like a little door.

“We never really know people,” he said. “Not entirely. We may share coffee with them for years. Hear their jokes. Know their habits. Recognize the sound of their truck before they come through the door. But there are always rooms in a life we haven’t been invited into.”

Trixie took a careful sip of coffee.

“That’s probably for the best.”

Pastor Peterson nodded as if she had contributed to the theology rather than wounded it. Then he opened the Bible with the confidence of a man who had been waiting for Scripture to walk within reach.

“Third John, chapter one, verse eleven,” he said. “‘Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good.’”

He closed the Bible and looked around the table.

“And I think we can agree,” he said, “that a 1957 Porsche 356A Speedster is pretty good.”

Lucinda set the coffee pot back on the warmer and smiled.



Out in Fort Stockton, the afternoon kept stretching, slow and sunlit and unconcerned. Somewhere, Angus Hopper was probably climbing into that battered old Ford F-100, the truck coughing once before settling into its rough idle, giving no hint at all that the man behind the wheel knew the feel of a low windshield, a floor shifter, tattered rubber mats, Weber carburetors, and a small white car that had once been mistaken for fake by everyone except the one stranger who knew better. That was the thing about Angus. He did not need the town to know. He did not even much need the town to believe it.

Which, at Grounds for Divorce, meant they probably would.



6 responses to “FAKING IT”

  1. Dad had a Porsche 356 convertible…as I recall, it was a 1957. Not a Speedster, it was white with a black top and green interior. A mechanic at the local VW/Porsche/Mercedes-Benz dealership had repaired it from a wreck. I think he really liked that car; in his later years, he told me that, if it weren’t so rusty, he would have kept it. Maybe park in his parent’s barn until circumstances changed.

    Still, he was a responsible father. With the arrival of the fifth kid, he sold the car and bought a two year old 1970 Toyota Corona four door…so much better for a family. I think he said he got $500 for it, but the couple he sold it to (as I recall) were very enthusiastic about owning a Porsche. Perhaps that’s better than being stored somewhere until circumstances change.

  2. Lord love ‘im! If Angus’s Poor-che isn’t a copy built by The Little Car Company and the image of the old timer and Angus breezin’ down W TX asphalt is just an AI generated image, THE Captain’s AI gives me hope for the future. There may still be a place for we non-AI entities in that glorious future. Love them “air intakes” just below where the TXDOT-required front license plate should be. Perhaps the concept of “artistic license” applies to AI as well as to its creators. They aren’t “hallucinations”, they are “license”. 
    Benard Marx

    • Is there really a difference between reality in a physical world (such as we know it), and the other worlds that we are learning about. The horse before Des Cartes – or after. We don’t know yet!

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